Connecting to My Inner Light and Self Love

My journey into the alternative healing arts began the summer before my junior year in college.  A series of synchronistic events led me to a beach with friends who were like family.  I witnessed and participated in a tragic accident in which two of the fathers with the group were electrocuted on the beach.  I watched daughters and wives working frantically to start the hearts of their dads and husbands, men whose time had simply come to pass.  I too did my part with my hands trying to start a heart whose work was done and staring into eyes that held no more life.  

My body full of shock I returned back to college and had tremendous difficulty transitioning back to my “normal” life.  I had flashbacks of the event on a regular basis and threw my energy into taking care of the children and families that had suffered the loss.  I distanced myself from my peers, friends and family struggling to connect with them.  I flirted with depression and spent many hours for many months alone in stillness completely numb.

Then one day somehow in the silence of it all, I connected with a sensation of something else. I didn’t know exactly what it was, I just knew it was different from the pain I had been experiencing. It was light, calming and extremely peaceful.  I sat there experiencing this new sensation in my body not wanting it to leave.  I was drawn to write and pulled out an unused journal and let the words flow through my fingers.   The words were “The Light of Life”  the title of my first poem.  Somehow in the darkness of it all I connected to my light.

I began writing daily and opening up to exploring alternative healing opportunities that came upon my path including meditation, massage, shiatsu, tai chi and spent time in nature.  The more I explored these paths the more people came into my life to help support me along my journey.  I began to connect with the joy of life again and heal.

From that point on I found myself living in two separate worlds.  I continued down my set course at the time of the accident and finished college with a Bachelors Degree in Accounting and Finance.  I went on to obtain related credentials and began my professional life in the public accounting and business consulting arena.  While I excelled in this world, my hidden passion remained deeply connected to exploring how to heal myself and writing.  I spent most of my free time alone during this period of my life connecting deeply to who I was and learning to embrace and connect with loving myself.  In this solitary space the silence spoke to me, awoke my senses and expanded my ability to be present and experience the world around me. I remember connecting to a deep sense of peace knowing that I did not need to look for love outside of myself.  

It was at this point in my life I allowed myself to open up to the possibility of connecting with someone to share this life with.